Thanksgiving (USA) 2019 Bonus Episode

Welcome to Bonus Episode 07 of the Nerd Journey Podcast [@NerdJourney]! We’re John White (@vJourneyman) and Nick Korte (@NetworkNerd_), two Pre-Sales Technical Engineers who are hoping to bring you the IT career advice that we wish we’d been given earlier in our careers. In today’s episode we discuss the influence of family on career and the influence of career on family.

Original Recording Date: 11-13-2019

• Note that John sneaks in his top 5 delivery pizza places at the beginning (mentioned in Bonus Episode 2 from last Thanksgiving).

Topics – Thanksgiving, Family, and Career

2:05 – Influence of Family on Career

• Who in your family can be an influence on career?

  • These are the people in our lives that model career, how they balance, work, life, and family.
    • Sometimes it is chosen family and not birth family.
    • The level of influence depends on the amount of time spent with the person.

• 5:12 – What specific kinds of influence does family have on career?

  • Family businesses are often passed down for multiple generations to keep it going. Nick gives a specific example here.
    • Growing up in and around a family business can soak in, making it feel normal. Some will love this, while some will not.
    • Not everyone is qualified to take over a family business, but being exposed to it may influence a person to work in that specific type of industry.
  • Sometimes everyone in a family works in the same field (i.e. a family of teachers, a family of doctors, etc.). John shares an example from his wife’s family.
    • The career field can become ingrained in children in this type of environment.
    • John shares a realization about his current career field.
  • Behaviors

    • What if family members appear to constantly work or work takes them away from important events and special family time?

      • 10:34 – John White School of Mentoring Plug
      • Nick shares his daughter’s perception of his work.
      • Avoidance of work is something that can also be modeled.

    • Work / life balance

      • If family members have a poor work / life balance, it could cause resentment of a specific job or job field.
      • We react to what is modeled around us, regardless of what it is.
      • Kids socialize about what their parents do and how present they are.
      • Nick got some feedback on time spent working from his brother-in-law. He did not realize at the time that things were out of balance.
      • Being on call is a part of some jobs. It just is.

    • Shift work

      • Nick shares a story about his aunt that worked 2nd shift and the effort she made to spend time with family.
      • Shift work can lead to the perception of an absentee parent.
      • These types of jobs need to be staffed by someone, and it has an impact on that person’s family.

    • Pressure to perform

      • Do you put pressure on yourself to perform in your career that started with academic pressures when you were younger? It can happen.
      • John shares a story of his parents modeling the importance of education.
        • Academic excellence and trying to beat everyone else are two different things.
        • Sometimes we don’t realize the influence of past experiences on our current attitudes and behaviors until reflecting carefully upon it.
      • A high performing sibling can have an impact on other children who are not performing well academically (can be negative or positive).
      • Nick shares a story from his time in education.
        • Think back to Episode 19 on process over outcomes.

• 21:22 – Why do we think family members are able to influence career?

  • Proximity to a specific field or career might make it seem like a safer choice.
  • Passion is contagious. As a result people work hard and get better.
  • John has been influenced by a number of extended / chosen family members and is passionate about self-development (perhaps the genesis of The John White School of Mentoring).
  • A negative perception of a field or specific job can affect your perception later (i.e. this job took mom / dad away and is not worth me pursuing).

24:54 – Career Effect on Family

• Negative effects

  • Forced relocation
    • John remembers having to relocate many times as a child. It became something he did not like, but he eventually lost the fear of making new friends, etc.
    • Breaking into social circles in a new area can be challenging for adults as well.
    • Consider the challenge of having a parent that was active service military. It could be a relocation every year or possibly more.
      • We would love to hear from listeners who grew up this way (many relocations) and how it affected your level of social interaction with others, perception of career, etc.
  • Heavy travel / late hours
    • If a job requires heavy travel, you’re going to miss time with family. That has an impact.
    • Will childcare be available if one spouse has to travel and the other is working?
    • Family members may despise the job because it takes someone away from them too much.
    • What about loneliness? John speaks to tremendous workload affecting upkeep of any and all relationships.
  • Inflexibility
    • What if you can’t take time off work to help with a sick family member?
    • What if the family only sees you stressed as a result of work and this leads to burn out?
      • Go pack and listen to Episode 58 and Kelly Schroeder’s experience with burn out.
    • What if there is no time off for holidays? Your significant other can become disgruntled as a result.
  • Aspirational activities
    • Think blogging, attending user groups, and podcasting. What if these activities take away from family time? Other family members can see this in a negative light.
      • Young children don’t understand why you’re not available and that investment in career advancement outside of work will help in the long run.
      • John mentions the unique approach his family took to these types of activities.
        • Sometimes having a discussion can go a long way to mitigate damage.
  • Being distracted
    • Physical presence and emotional presence are not the same.

• 38:24 – Positives

  • Flexibility
    • John’s new job changed his level of flexibility.
    • Can you go in to the office late, take a long lunch, etc. and make up the time later?
    • Working from home occasionally can allow you to be available when needed.
  • Modeling good behavior
    • You can show your kids what a good employee looks like. Nick gives an example.
    • Modeling boundary setting is important (to keep work in check and to prioritize family time).
    • Quality time, even if it is brief, is better than more time with you distracted / working on something else.
    • Model your passion / aspirations positively.
  • Money
    • We talked about personal finance in Episode 57.
    • John’s parents modeled use of money and personal finance that he will always remember. The discussions about this began when he was young.
    • Smart money management is necessary in any career. The answer is not always "I must make more money." You must get control of your finances.
    • John refers to the Open Account podcast episode, Passing the Torch—And the Wealth: A Conversation with Velma Davis & Kenya Davis Hayes, where the issue of "spending fasts" came up.
  • Corporate perks
    • Corporate car
    • Retain rewards points for corporate travel (the flip side of heavy travel).
    • Children don’t always understand cause and effect.

• Should we do a career cause and effect podcast?

Contact us if you need help on the journey.